I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
