ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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