Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
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One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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