I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
