I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I know her cup size but not her name....
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
