How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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