I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
