you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
