my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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