Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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