Someone shit on the floor
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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