Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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