So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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