So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
