thus making me awesome and them whores
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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