i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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