I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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