I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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