Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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