Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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