two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
