Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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