I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
