Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize