onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
