He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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