She went from zero to smokin in five shots
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
