He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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