Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
