if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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