I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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