i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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