Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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