She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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