I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
