hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
