brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
