my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
