grandma shit on top of the toilet
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
