wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
