there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.