even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
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I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
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My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.