the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
