i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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