That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize