just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.