i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?