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Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
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