ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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