he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
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Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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