Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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