dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
