Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?