I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
