Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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