playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I am one with the molecules
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
