I'm really into asian looking animals
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
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its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
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my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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