My underwear smells like fireworks.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
