So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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