the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
