quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
