I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
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no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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