this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
