This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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