3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
