How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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