So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
time to smoke my breakfast
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
