okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
