the condom got lost in my hair
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
