Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
