I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
whose ass print is on the piano?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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