I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize