if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
