See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
