Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
