I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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