he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
