oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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