don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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