was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
