I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
No more Irish car bombs ever.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
