does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
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So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize