New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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