You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
